I like boys...

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Aren't they cute?

More Honduras photos...

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Dani sent more photos! Yay!!!

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We were here:

Our dive boats waiting for us on the calm side of the island:
Dani, chillin' at 80 feet:

Ommmmmm......

More fabulous coral:

A *real* drift dive.... me and the divemaster, floating in the current.... PDA at 60' feet... isn't that cute???Me and Paco, the bird that's so fat he doesn't fly.... Two girls who should look far more tan when wearing white...

Dani took much better photos of the fire dancers than I did...

p.s. Totally random and unrelated quote for the day, from the bestest-sister-in-the-whole-wide-world: "Vanity Sucks." Hee hee.

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The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

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Great weekend... actually, FABULOUS weekend.

But now it's 1pm on Monday and already I am having a crap day (nothing like having your prospects of future employment waved in front of your face as incentive to "think creatively." It's like someone holding your feet over the fire and saying "don't worry - just trying to give you inspiration to perform better." Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from the peacock days: "The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.")

But no moping is allowed! So instead, let's watch some movies... here are the 5-second versions of some of the classics:

Rocky I, II, III, IV, V, and VI (my fave)

The Godfather

Rainman

Groundhog Day

The Big Lebowski


Meanwhile, excuse me while I go WAY out on a geek limb....
....... 2008??!?!?!?! FRAK ME!

(*crying*)

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Overheard on the bus to Brooklyn...

Yes... venturing into the wild lands of other-borough-ness of Brooklyn (to enjoy the modern dance version of "Edward Scissorhands"... and no, it's not a joke... the quotes or the fact that Edward Scissorhands has now been interpreted into a modern dance performance...)

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Wife: "I had a passing dream last night that I didn't have any eyebrows. And I woke up this morning, and sure enough, they were gone!"

Husband: (looking at his wife) "Huh."

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Woman A shows Woman B some greeting cards....

A: "I got these cute little cards for St. Patrick's Day last week... here, read them..."

B: (reading) "Wishing you the Luck of the Irish"... that's nice! (looking at the next card) "Kiss Me I'm Trash."

A: "No, no, it says Kiss Me I'm Irish"

B: Oh, I confused the I for a T. Okay, Kiss Me I'm Irish... that's much more appropriate."

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The List

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Have I ever told you about the list?

Inspired several years ago by a birthday or a sense of mortality, or perhaps boredom, my list has gone through several revisions (and was nudged forward without doubt by the book "1,000 Places to See Before You Die," which is a fabulous inspiration - I only wish I was the one asked to star in the new TV series... but I digress...)

Basically, a few years ago, I started a mental list... and just over one year ago, I began a page of my journal with the following title:

~ 100 Things To Do Before I Die ~

The first thing on the list is - and always has been, even before it was committed to ink and paper - "Skydive."

I don't know why that's always been first, but it seemed to be the most random expression of what the list basically encompasses, which is a list of goals I hope to reach in life. Some of the items on the list seem, at first glance, to be quite superficial ("get fake nails")... but some are symbols of other things in life that have haunted me for a while ("donate my hair".)

Some things I've accomplished and been able to check off my list. In fact, I'm quite proud to have accomplished the first three items on the list so far:
1. Skydive
2. Get certified in SCUBA
3. Get my motorcycle license

Unfortunately, some of the items that have been on my list the longest have not been accomplished as soon as I'd hoped ("Dive with dolphins")... others are a work in progress ("Learn karate", "Go to services for different religions")... and some may never quite be accomplished to my satisfaction ("Travel", which is it's own separate list, and I doubt I'll ever reach the end of that one.)

Some are surprising insofar as I have not yet experienced them ("Skinny dip") and others are spawned by more of a morbid curiosity ("Get a Brazilian wax"). Still more will probably be crossed off before they happen due to my fickle female mindset... others have yet to be conceptualized or penned.

So far, I've checked off relatively few things on my list... not as many as I'd hoped when I added them all up. But each of them so far is a precious memory, and is something I value as an accomplishment, no matter how small. And each of the ones that are not crossed off are things I have been wanting to do for a while... the anticipation is thrilling.

There is so much more to do... and the adventures in life are just waiting to happen...

Stay tuned... I'll probably write about a few of them here....
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"A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man. "
- O Brother, Where Art Thou?
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"Get back to basics..."

Well, I *was* going to go online and buy some wedding registry gifts today for some upcoming friend-nuptials. (I have two weddings to attend this spring.) But then I saw this:


So I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to do my online shopping... (does a Yahoo horoscope provide an adequate procrastination excuse, or is that just too pathetic? And speaking of tempting fate... I probably shouldn't write a blog today either, right? Wow, do I live on the crazy edge or what...)

In more relevant news, it's the first (or second) day of SPRING today (depending on which newspaper you happen to read)... Walking around the city the other night, I saw the first tulips poking up through the snow... they had hollowed out little circles around themselves in the ice... I would have taken a photo, but I was distracted at the time. But have I mentioned that I love spring in New York? I don't think I can express with adequate emoticon representation how excited I am to soon be shedding my big poofy coat... :-) :-) :-) :-) Joy!!!!
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Life & Times

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It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
.....- Winston Churchill, Oct. 1, 1939


p.s. Don't get a bear as a pet. Overall, it's a bad idea, methinks.

Bang Bang Bang

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before we start... a disclaimer: i asked for this. i recognize and accept my fate entirely. i will admit that i did request bangs.

the first time i went to my favorite-goddess-hair-stylist-in-new-york, i asked her for bangs and she said "we'll make them long bangs, so you make sure you like them first."...

and i liked the long bangs.

and then i went back a few months later, and said "bangs! i liked the bangs! more bangs!" and she cut them into short short short bangs... and now they stick up funny. all the time. especially after i sleep on them.


#:-(........<---- me with funny looking bangs.

now i hate bangs. my hair simply can't grow fast enough. now i'm going to have to wear stupid little cutesy barrettes to keep my bangs under control. and from experience, i can tell you that it's hard to pull off cutesy little barrettes when you're nearly 6 feet tall. (*pout*)

Frustration!!

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Do you ever hear a song - or part of a song - and it suddenly needs to be on your iPod? I was listening to NPR today whilst cleaning out my overstuffed and understylish wardrobe (can you say "uber-procrastination"?) and heard a snippet that's become a source of frustration.

This American Life... Episode 188: "Kid Logic". The song in Act two: The Game Ain't Over til the Fatso Man Sings by Howie Chackowicz - 19 minutes into the broadcast... electronica-poppy-type music (not the 70's cheese in the rest of the piece)... great chord progressions...

And I can't find it anywhere!!!!

I did, in my vain search, find two other songs that I now have blasting into my eardrums (Dub Latina by Calexico, and Flake by Jack Johnson).... but alas, this one has alluded me so far...

(crying)

But meanwhile, I found out that The Electric Company is now available in podcasts! (Did you know that Morgan Freeman was in that?) Ahhh, I love flashbacks into my uber-geek childhood... Warm fuzzies!




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Flutterbies....

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Ever had a day that you simply cannot wipe that stupid, happy grin off your face? Today, I'm having one of those days... with whipped cream. After all, there's nothing quite like being reminded how precious some of the simplest things in life can be... Because today, the world seems full of bright, shiny colors and cautious optimism...

Yes, dear readers (all both of you)... Today is a very good day indeed... enjoy it...

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Accessories...

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I went to the Verizon Wireless store this afternoon, after noticing over the past few weeks that my mobile phone wasn't able to hold a charge for longer than about an hour. I figured it would be a quick trip... uneventful. I was right on one count, anyway... it was quick.

"Andre, Verizon Associate" was very helpful, explaining to me that charging the phone overnight may result in burning out of some of the cells in the battery, and that - for future battery saving - I should only charge my battery about 2-3 hours each day.

And then he told me I would have to pay him $39.99 for a new battery.

"Is the phone off warranty?" I asked, innocently...

"No, the phone is still under warranty, but the accessories are not covered."

"The battery is an accessory?"

"Yes."

(Pause) "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"But... the phone won't work without the battery, right?"

"Right."

"But you call it an accessory?"

(Pause) "Um. Yes."

(I laugh)... "Is it me, or is that kind of a ridiculous classification for a battery?"

(Beginning to look scared)... "Um. Ma'am, I don't make the rules."

(Really laughing now) "So... Let me get this straight. The phone doesn't work without the battery. But you call the battery an accessory? Doesn't that kind of make the battery more of a necessity than an accessory?"

(Wide-eyed)... "I can get a manager..."

(Shaking head and still laughing)... "No, never mind... I guess I need to buy an accessory then..."


I find this fascinating. A battery for a cell phone is an accessory... like a blinged-out carrying case, or those charms that you hang off the antenna, or a belt clip. How, exactly, does that equate? And does that mean that the buttons on the cell phone are accessories too? After all, they come off too, if you poke 'em hard enough....

For the record, one definition online of ACCESSORY I found online is:
Additional features to enhance the appearance or performance of mobile phones, including replacement covers, batteries, hands-free kits, car kits, cases, cameras, keyboards, desktop holders and belt clips.

Well, technically I guess my battery does "enhance the performance" of my phone... I mean, without it, I could still SHOUT to the person I'm trying to reach... right?

(at least there is no mention of buttons... phew!!)




P.S. 100 days until Africa! Yay!


P.P.S. My sister told me that her 6 year old son told her that he had an "ouchie belly button" today. Poor kid has been boogie boarding all day on their vacation in Puerto Rico, and apparently rubbed his "outie" button raw. That just cracks me up. I can't stop laughing about that...


P. P.P.S. Ironic photo from the news... Guatemalan protestors demonstrating against President Bush's visit to Central America and American policies and politics (and simultaneously wearing a t-shirt that says "Wrangler: For the Cowboy In You".)
(I don't know why, but I find that funny)


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Emmy Nomination!

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i was nominated for my first emmy award today... how cool is that? to celebrate, tonight i'm heading back to the Roxy for rollerskating... i've roped some fellow friends into my madness and tonight it's beer and wheels on the west side...

(*evening edit - roller skating is canceled... so tonight, instead, it's taco dinner and tv-marathon celebration... with brownies! i guess i'll have to celebrate with roller skates another time!)

p.s. thanks for the shout-out, fellow blogger-lady: http://femminista-della-casa.blogspot.com/

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i was walking to class last night, in a bit of a pondering state, because i think i have misplaced my wallet... and i overheard a woman talking on her cell phone.

i swear to you i'm not making this up... she said it as clear as day....

"you want to shear a sheep in my apartment? well... okay."

that, coupled with the fact that it smells like spring today... and i think i'm falling back in love with this town...

(*swoon*)

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i was held up leaving work the other day because they were filming a car crash scene on the street for the upcoming "The Bourne Ultimatum" movie.

the crew spent 9 hours on the street setting up and shot two takes of the crash. a scene that will take approximately 1.3 seconds on the screen... this business baffles me sometimes... the controlled crashes were fascinating to watch, but i don't think they planned for the bumper to go skittering across the sidewalk into the physical rehab center. oops.

true to the New Yorker mindset, though, the delayed pedestrians were far from impressed by the spectacle. they were, instead, on the verge of a violent protest when they learned that they would have to wait 5 minutes to walk down the street.

you just *have* to love this town....

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Retail therapy....

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Let's get superficial for a moment, shall we?

Those of you who know me know that I don't care for shopping. I usually hate it. But I must be PMS'ing because yesterday, I exercised some serious capitalistic tendencies at H&M.

And it felt damn good.



p.s. for the record, plastic googly-eyes are just weird.

What a difference a year makes...

It was a year ago this week that my life changed. It was a year ago this week that I found the phone bill... something so deceptively simple, and yet containing so piercingly targeted a message that I can still feel the ghosts of the pain in my chest when my heart first comprehended the betrayal on those pages. But you know all about that by now... No need to rehash old news...

The past year has really opened my eyes to so many things in this world that I was so ignorant of... lies, truths, betrayals, trust... definitions of "self", "faith", "family", "friends", "strength", "pain", and... perhaps the hardest lesson of all... "patience" (which I'm still desperately trying to learn.)

People have said many things to me in the last year, and I've found nurturing support from those I once considered passive acquaintances, and heard harsh utterances from those I once considered supportive friends. I've been told that I'm "strong", which is fascinating to me, since strength is not something I've ever thought about. Life is something you're strapped into... I never felt as though I had much of a choice but to hang on when the road got rough. What are the alternatives, really?

But it hasn't all been bad... in fact, in a lot of ways, the experience has been strangely and surprisingly liberating. It's opened my eyes to new possibilities, and has been a fascinating, surreal, and painful crash-course education about something I thought I knew pretty well but ultimately did not: Myself. It's also been a year of leaning on and relying on friends in ways I never thought I could. I owe them my life, and I do not mean that lightly. Here are a few of them....

SH:
Who was on the other end of the line when I was reading that phone bill for the first time. I remember asking her to "please, tell me this is something else." I begged - pleaded - for her to tell me that I was mistaken, and simply jumping to jealous, irrational female conclusions.... until I realized that late Friday night in March '06 that I had caught someone I once trusted with my soul in a lie which would change me forever. SH was on the phone with me through those first waves of nausea and disbelief, and has been here with me with me every day since. I will never be able to express my gratitude adequately for what she gave me so generously and without hesitation. SH - I will remember that night forever... mostly because of your support.

SM, MM and all my little M's:
For putting up with my waffling, insecurities, indecisive moments, and irrational thought processes without judgement or criticism. For opening up their home and offering me a supportive, loving, distracting family that helped me through the long periods of depression and numbness. For the bottomless reservoir of therapy of hugs, kisses, unconditional love, patience, and... of course... brownies. I love you all more than you can possibly imagine.

JN:
Who picked my ass up off of the floor more times than he can imagine, even calling in reinforcements when necessary. Even through this time of life upheaval of his own, I don't know how he found the time to be my rock... but he did so unwaveringly and unquestioningly, holding my hand through some of my darkest, loneliest moments. You will always be my soul mate no matter where this universe takes us.

DG:
A surprising addition to the list, who taught me not to judge people's actions when you've never walked in their shoes. (And also told me not to lie... sorry 'bout that.) She took my falterings in stride, and gave me a perspective on living life that I had not expected. She is a perfect example of what a friend should be... and one I didn't realize that I had until this year redefined my life and those in it.

GB:
I know we don't talk any more, and you will probably never know that this posting exists at all. But in a lot of ways, I owe you so much... you were there, unexpectedly, at a surprisingly pivotal moment. So thank you for making me feel attractive again. Superficial, perhaps, but nonetheless a gift at a time when I was feeling quite unwanted and undesired. And though we'll probably never speak again, I wish you all the best.

AP:
For letting me beat the crap out of you when I desperately needed to vent some serious anger. But mostly, for being my new friend at a time when I was losing so many old ones. You adopted me into your family - literally - and for that I will always be grateful... and I'm sorry I kicked you in the head.


I think that I can fairly say - one year later - that the turn of events in the last year was for the best (all my unresolved feelings of failure aside.) I have lost the one thing that I took pride in: My ability to trust absolutely. But on second thought, perhaps this was a naivete that I needed to lose. Instead, perhaps I should say that I have gained the ability to appreciate trust when it is not taken advantage of.... something I don't think I was capable of doing one year ago. I never wanted this to happen (who does?), and wouldn't wish this fate on my worst enemy. But the future now has a shiny newness of potential that I'd forgotten was there... and life is full of possibilities that I had previously dismissed. I have learned more about myself (what I need... and what I deserve) than I thought possible... learning to forgive myself for mistakes, experiencing passion, hate, fear, and - finally, and most importantly - hope.

I have a lot to learn... I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating or relationships, and I'll ask preemptive forgiveness from those who will suffer from my inevitable fumbling, as well as those who already have. I feel like a child learning how to walk, and suddenly the everyday factors in life are looming obstacles that I will be bruised from before I adequately learn how to navigate them. My apologies in advance for those I bruise along the way. But the perspective is new, and the possibilities are stunning...

I found out that I had lost track of something important in my life - myself - and had repeated the "marriage is about compromise" mantra so many times that I'd compromised myself into a state of non-existence. Now I'm learning how to keep my spirit my own... and one day, perhaps share it with someone (if they are brave enough)... I think I'm finally able to say that I'm worth the effort...

It's been a strange year. In some ways it's passed faster than I could have imagined, and in some ways, it has lingered for what seemed like an eternity. I have no idea what's next... but I'm finally ready for the adventure, and I'm sure it will be amazing... Feel free to strap in and join me for the ride...

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End note: I hesitate publishing this blog. It feels like I'm baring more than I should in a public forum... And it's one of those things that I feel could cross a line of personal exposure that could make some very uncomfortable, especially if you're just getting to know me. But because I owe so much gratitude to those in the posting, I'll risk baring my own soft underbelly... life is nothing without a bit of risk, even something as innocuous as a blog... and I've asked forgiveness for my blunderings already... perhaps this will be the first exercise of that request.

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This one time, at dive camp....

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Once upon a time, there was a girl who needed a tan. So she and her her friend escaped the cold, grey castle of New York to go to a dive resort on a teeny, tiny island off of Roatan, Honduras.......and it was perfect... and the first day, the breezes were warm, the sun was bright, and the sky was a stunning blue... ... and there were lots of banana-flavored drinks by the water... and all was good... and the girl who needed a tan was very, very happy...The first dive was on a fabulous reef on the north side of the island... and the girl who needed a tan put on her wet suit and saw beautiful things.... like a reef wall from 70 feet below the surface...

... healthy, stunningly colorful coral...... lobstrocities... ... gigantic crabs hiding in crevices.... ...freakishly massive moray eels......and of course, lots and lots of fishies.... ...and the girl who needed a tan and her friend were happy, swimming and frolicking in the ocean depths......and the group that they went diving with was super-cool......but the second day... the clouds rolled in... and the girl who needed a tan (and her friend) were seriously bummed out, because they didn't see the sun again for their entire trip......but they still had fun, especially at breakfast ("what boys talk about at bars over drinks, girls talk about over tea at breakfast"), and at the "Fiesta Night" that the diving camp threw.... (The girl who needed a tan was assigned #32 in the crab race, but lost... miserably)......(but after a few more banana beverages, had a ton of fun dancing with the locals)......and on the flights home, the girl who needed a tan realized that she *still* needed a tan... so she and her friend decided that they had a fabulous time, and they'd only change two things (the lack of sunshine and lack of boys)... and so they called "mulligan!" and planned to return to the little island off of Honduras... to get a proper tan... ...(to be continued... as soon as possible...)...

A hug...

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You have forgotten what it was like to be loved without condition....

(I was reminded today... and it was beautiful.)
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I'm off to Honduras to get my roots done... C U L8R
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(p.s. i love you, mom)

What am I?

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I have a lot of stuff I want to write about today... boy crushes, mascara drama, passport redemption, bowling, real estate... but these quizzes were just too much fun to pass by, (plus I don't want to jinx anything - just keep your fingers crossed that karma keeps smiling on me... life has the potential to be utterly fabulous in the very near future)...

Who Were You In High School?

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

The quiz-dudes nailed it! Though I have to add a little "band geek" and "theater nerd" to that whole artist thing... and no, I didn't wear all black. At least, not until I moved to NYC.

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How Do You Live Your Life?

How You Live Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

Yea yea yea... it was the "how do you blow your bubbles" question that gave this one away, right? Though I'm not quite sure that I always dream within reach. Sometimes, apparently, I do indeed dream of things that cannot be...

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The Animal Personality Test

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker. While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

This one is the BEST. It cracks me up. My power-animal is a deer (bletch), and there's a gif of a squid... thus I am not rational. I love quizzes! (and yes, there's definitely something more productive that I could be doing.)

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Kissing Purity Test

Your Kissing Purity Score: 51% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Seriously? There's a "Kissing Purity Test"?

Psst... is it OK that today I really miss kissing?

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