11 August 2009

The best dating story yet...

I've told some of you about the thong guy ("Please wear a thong on our first date - otherwise it just reminds me of my grandmother." Best response to this comment: "Only if you wear one, too.") I've even told some of you about the wine slurper (if my 9 year old nephew isn't allowed to slurp, neither are you, Mr. 41-Years-Old-and-Should-Know-Better.) And there's always the "surprise" date (unrecognizable man meets you for a drink... only unrecognizable because his online photo was 15 years, 40 pounds, and 68% more hair ago.)

But...I never expected a con artist.

Cute picture, a wink, a few emails, he travels a lot for a living... (but hates doing it alone... how endearing!) I noticed he dodged a few personal questions, but hey, whatever. He also dodged a drink date, because he was out of town...on a contract job... in Nigeria.

Hm. Nigeria.

A few days later, he's worried because his credit cards don't work and he's getting strapped for cash. And gosh darn, wouldn't you know it... I seem like such a nice person, could I help him out by sending him a few bucks? "I'll return the cash as soon as I'm back in town, I promise... and if you want to sign an agreement, that's totally fine, too."


People fall for this?

Dear ConnectMatthew at Match.com: "you want me to send money... to someone i've never met... in nigeria. you have *got* to be kidding. c'mon man... come up with something more creative. seriously."

(my sister said that I should have responded "Oh dude, I'm in Nigeria too! I was going to ask you for money in a few weeks!" or "OMG I have a huge trust I can borrow from in emergencies... how much do you need???" (and then never respond again.))

According to the interweb, sometimes they send flowers and gifts to their targets before asking them for money. My sister told me that only I would get the *cheap* con artist who didn't send anything before dropping the "i need money, honey" bomb.

So I call the dating company to tell them that they have a Nigerian con artist on their site. To which they respond (after asking how I know he's a con artist): "You can block his profile."

Me: Okay but his profile is no longer up.
Them: You can still block it.
Me: Okay... whatever. That's not the important part. What are you guys going to do about this?
Them: I'm going to file this report at the corporate office. For the record, you won't be receiving any further information about it.
Me: So, I'm not going to hear anything back?
Them: No, ma'am.
Me: So, you aren't going to shut down his account or anything?
Them: I'm filing a report with the corporate office.
Me: And what will they do?
Them: They'll look into it.
Me: (laugh) Okay... so, in reality, you're not actually going to do anything, are you?
Them: Sorry ma'am?
Me: (laugh again) Nevermind. Have a nice day.
Them: Thank you ma'am, you too. And thank you for subscri...
Me: (*click*)

Apparently they borrow photos from other places to use on their profiles. So sorry to whoever this *really* is... but if you see this guy on any dating sites, and he's heading to Nigeria... you may wanna watch your wallet.... or at least ask for some flowers and gifts first...